A Double Struggle
This year I was faced with one of the toughest tests of faith in my Christian life. My husband and I had to make a decision that would affect the rest of our life. We were pulling in two different directions, which meant my struggle was double. Our disagreement on the one hand, and the burden of failing to submit to my husband on the other hand.
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, (…)”
During the Gospel Centered Life course, I had the chance (the “tools”) to search my own heart more thoroughly and discover that underneath the surface problem of disobedience was a deeper issue of insecurity. Knowing that was not enough though. I still needed a miracle to be able to let go of my insecurity and my fears so that I could fully trust God.
I shared my struggle with Utako and Damian, and they asked some questions to help me better understand what was in my heart. The echo of the thoughts that I shared in that session followed me over the next couple of days, until a certain moment when I felt convicted of failing to give God the glory He deserves by trusting in His goodness, care and love for me.
I realized I had been rejecting God, because through my insecurity I was telling Him that He is not enough and not able to take care of my deepest needs. In that moment when the Holy Spirit revealed my own heart to me, I understood that I could not stay in that place any longer. Instantly, the burden I had been carrying for a long time disappeared. I felt free, and submission to my husband in this specific area of our life was no longer an issue.
I give God the glory for granting me repentance, and for bringing me out of a place of insecurity to the solid rock of faith in Christ.
— F.W.